


What if Snatcher made it onto the cruise ship?

by mothedpiles



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: based on an idea i had 3267 years ago.., i decided to procrastinate and write this instead, instead of working on my main fic, that needs to be continued thanks to its plot and all that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:40:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothedpiles/pseuds/mothedpiles
Summary: Ghosts just wanmahave fun
Comments: 5
Kudos: 167





	What if Snatcher made it onto the cruise ship?

**Author's Note:**

> they/he pronouns for snatcher bcoz im stickin to canon <3 ghosts just wanmahave fun

Snatcher’s efforts to get all the way onto the cruise ship,through all its hardships and effort it had taken, had proven itself to not be in vain. It could’ve gone horribly, of course. There had been no guarantee that crate they’d stored themself away in would’ve made its way onto the ship, after all. It must’ve been by a stroke of luck that they’d managed to actually pull the plan off.

Snatcher lay in their chair next to the pool, a ridiculous thing to have a _ship_ of all things if you asked them, since if you wanted to swim so badly you could’ve just jumped overboard. They were taking in the sun they’d avoided for so long in the comfort of the dark forest they lived in, as they had a moment to themself. After so many centuries of running his kingdom, keeping his minions in check, bothering with the poor souls who’d wander into his domain, and the various other clear struggles one must have doing nearly nothing, their break now felt ever so well deserved. And while sure, it was true he had a tendency to take time off every now and then to either read a book or sew some extra subconite bodies to menacingly hang up in the nooses to add to his forest’s vibe, this was different. 

There was sunlight, for one thing. Was the sunlight a good thing? It all depended on if they’d sunburn from it or not, so Snatcher left that one off the pros and cons list for now. There were, ugh, _people_ too, which was a negative as far as they were concerned (If they had the audacity to keep their souls with them and not be generous enough to let him eat them, then to him they were nothing but bothers). However, he had to begrudgingly admit, they did manage to add a bit of entertainment to the cruise. Watching mortals gamble their possessions away in the casino? Thrilling! So, while they’d put people in the cons section, they did have a bit of a plus to them. Perhaps if he gave them more time, some more fellow passengers would do ridiculously foolish things and end up suffering from it. That idea of drama was enough for Snatcher to consider this whole vacation a good gamble of his own to make. 

Granted, his marvelous scheme to get onto the ship had nearly taken a turn for the worse the moment the Captain of said vessel had approached them. Sneaking on board had its price, after all. 

The walrus had pointed out how he didn’t quite recall seeing anyone of the spooky nature they had come down to the desk to check in. Which, of course, if they had a ticket, they would’ve done just like every other passenger who’d purchased one. 

Snatcher wasn’t a fool though. His sly reply of how the dastardly conditions of the management of the behind the scenes of the ship, such as the mess in the kitchen, the unfastened tables and likes that’d slide around and perhaps even injure whoever they hit, just to name a few, could result into simply awful issues with the law! Why, someone could _certainly_ sue! Who’d even know, but the costs? Those could end up more than the company would be able to pay off. Bankruptcy would be just _dreadful,_ wouldn’t it?

The Captain got their message quite well, and in all honesty he was in no mood to throw such a fit over such a minor issue that could escalate to such an extreme point anyways, so he had let it slide. After all, it wasn’t Snatcher specifically causing the problems. 

It was their subconites who they’d brought along who were the ones the Captain had some problems with. 

Snatcher himself didn’t regret bringing the subconites at all. After all, the little scamps deserved something nice every now and then. This ship was just a giant playspace to them. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves, causing whatever havoc they had been able to get themselves into. 

In fact, it had worked out wonderfully, as their problem causing seemed to be distracting the awful hat brat who’d also decided to come along on the cruise. She seemed to be trying to tackle the messes made on the ship as the actual, while incompetent, seal crew was unable to. It was surprising to see that she was getting things done, something the Captain had thought to be impossible, and the subconites had taken it upon themselves to undo all of that. This was much to the Captain’s disappointment, but was extremely entertaining for Snatcher. It was like those Death Wishes, except he didn’t have to bother with coming up with any sort of challenges!

They hadn’t exactly been lucky enough to witness all these events themself though; It was through the occasional conversation of other passengers who were passing by that they picked up on the actions of their minions. Have it be that “The kitchen was on fire but more than usual this time!”, or how “Oh god, why are there so many spiders in the lobby!?!”, or that “One of those purple things set free all of those babies again! They were yelling something about the revolution?!”.

Oh, speaking of babies. The one particular, drunk, yellow, loud grandpa who’d brought them along seemed to be angrily stumbling his way over to the ghost. Next to him, a hat child walked just a bit behind him. Given the bite marks on her hands and the arms of the cat themed jacket she was wearing, something she’d put on to combat the chill weather, Snatcher could guess that someone’s grandkids had given somebody quite the trouble. And the subconite trailing just a bit further from them with their head hanging down in shame gave him a bit of an idea to what this was all about.

The Conductor had been making his way over rather confidently and seething with rage, though this confidence turned into confusion and bemusement as he got closer and got a better look at Snatcher. Not far enough to be out of their hearing, he stopped to lean over to Hat Kid and ask if she was “Really sure this was that demon guy”.

Snatcher couldn’t help but grin a bit more upon hearing that. It was understandable, in the owl’s defense. Every other time the two had encountered one another, the demon had been their massive, shadowy self without any sort of… accessories on.

It was a vacation, for peck’s sake. Who would miss out on the opportunity to dress up in a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, and a ridiculously oversized straw hat, huh? It’d been a great opportunity for them to get an excuse to make things too. One doesn’t exactly get to just _make_ things for themself without having something to back them up to why they were doing it. 

“What, do you really not recognize me?” Snatcher taunted, calling out to the Conductor. Clearly the old man was startled by the fact that he’d underestimated their hearing, but it didn’t matter much. Not when he was busy being mad at them.

“Oh, real funny!” He yelled at him, storming over the last remaining steps he needed to walk to properly be all up in the ghost’s face. “Now, take a look at the lil lass here!” He waved an arm wildly to point out Hat Kid, standing right behind him. 

She put on the saddest face she could muster as she held out her damaged arms to him. 

“Tragic.” Snatcher snorted, unsympathetic. He focused back on the owl. “So, why are you coming to me about this? It was your kids who did all that biting to her arms and whatnot, didn’t they?”

“WH- WHY Y-!!!” He blurted out in outrage, not having an actual, proper answer. 

“Why?" Snatcher interrupted. "Well, if I remember correctly, your gremlins got out of that cage you put them in, much to your horrible, horrible incompetence to manage your own spawn, and this slightly more annoying gremlin tried to get them back in there! And of course, they ended up being why she’s like this now!” He purred, clearly enjoying mocking the bird. It was too easy, and too much fun. No matter how predictable the reaction, it still got him every time.

“OH, NOW YOU’VE DONE IT YE PECK NECK-” He began fumbling around his jacket, clearly looking for something. Whatever it could’ve been, Snatcher would never know, as Hat Kid grabbed one of his arms in an attempt to calm him down. 

The pleading look in her eyes was enough to tell him that she didn’t want the two to fight, and much to Snatcher’s disappointment the Conductor actually stopped to compose himself. 

“Aight, listen laddie. My grandkids have only been gettin’ out ‘coz of your no good, peckneck kids of your own!” He waved his other hand to the subconite, who looked like they'd rather be anywhere but there right now.

“Ah, I figured you were going to blame them for this” Snatcher replied with a grumble, their humorous mood killed immediately. “Are you sure you don’t want to fight about this the good ‘ol fashioned way? I’d rather that.” He admitted with a disheartened sigh. Talking about problems in a civilized manner only got so fun, after all. 

“I’d love to, but the lass has made it clear she doesn’t want any of that.” The old man said with a sigh of his own. 

Hat Kid glared at the two. 

With a fake cough, the Conductor continued what he had came there to say. 

“Ok, listen. All we ask of you is to get your kids in line-”

“Y’know, this is the second time you’ve referred to them like that, and I’m going to stop you right there” Snatcher interrupted, sitting up in his chair a bit and pointing a sharp claw at the bird to drive the point he was about to make (verbally) in. “They’re not my ‘kids’ in the sense that I’m some sort of ‘parental figure’ or what not to them. They’re my minions, and that’s that.”

The Conductor was caught off guard by this. 

“Oh, really? I assumed you were their actual dad, given how you look so similar to ‘em with the whole purple, glowing yellow eye thing-”

“I AM **NOT** A DAD IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM!” Snatcher shrieked tightly gripping the armrests of his chair in his outrage. He could _not_ have anyone thinking that. If he were any sort of 'dad', then people might think he was actual _nice_! Him! Nice! It was unacceptable.

“Yeah, they’re not!” piped up the subconite, who’d been quiet so far. Snatcher’s feeling of relief that they were defending his point quickly faded away as they continued with “They’re our parent!”

They could argue that that wasn’t why they’d said that they weren’t a dad, but all they could do was cause the plastic chair’s armrests to crack slightly under their claws as they trembled with anger. They couldn’t say anything; All they could do was sputter helplessly, leaving them unable to stop the Conductor who, having been a bit surprised by that, was now attempting to genuinely apologize for his slip up while also trying to get on with things. 

"Ah, I see, sorry 'bout that laddie- er, is it alright to call ye laddie, or-?"

" _I DON'T CARE._ " he hissed as a helpful response. 

"Ah, 'kay, just wanted to double check and all. Anyhow laddie, what we here ask of ye is to watch over me grandkids who the lassie managed to bring back already." He explained.

"Why me? I'm _clearly_ busy," Snatcher spat, having calmed down already a bit and was more settled into a more disgruntled vibe, along with being as uncooperative as possible. "I only get to relax like this so often! Couldn't I just have one of my other, not-baby-freeing minions to watch over them? Or, here's a thought! Why don't you take responsibility over your kids, huh? Watch them yourself."

"I can't do that, I've got to help the lassie find the last one. She's managed to find all of 'em, save for one particular trouble maker. And I ain't trustin' ANY of your 'minions' to watch over 'em. You're the one who's got to do it. If they end up gettin' out while _you're_ watchin' 'em, I'll just be able to find ye and yell at ya!" The Conductor reasoned, clearly delighted by the genius of this arrangement.

"That's an awful deal for me." Snatcher grumbled, shooting the plan that probably had taken all of the owl's still working braincells to come up with down. "I don't gain anything from it."

Like lightning, an idea came to Hat Kid's mind. She reached into her pockets, searched around them for a while as the 3 standing around her just watched. The trio became two though, as the subconite in trouble found this distraction to be the perfect opportunity to escape discreetly into the shadows and teleport somewhere else.

Finally, Hat Kid found what she was looking for, and triumphantly pulled out a crumpled napkin. Turning to Snatcher, she extended a hand and made a grabbing motion. They could figure what she wanted pretty well, and summoned up a quill for her to write whatever it was she wanted to onto the surface she had gotten.

She got to work on the message, sticking out her tongue to the side in concentration, as she sat on the ground and used the ship's deck as a hard surface to write on. Conductor and Snatcher leaned over to try and get a peak at what she was doing, but she covered the napkin well with her body hunched over it, leaving the two to suffer from their curiosity for just a bit longer. Just… until… she finished this line, and that one, and…

Done! She shot up, and beamed at Snatcher as she passed over her hard work to them.

Tentatively, they accepted it, and read it over.

"A contract?" they questioned aloud. Hat Kid nodded cheerfully. And it was, through and through, a contract. On it, she had echoed the Conductor's request, but had added in a reward of her own.

"So, you want me to babysit those chicken nuggets until you find the last one, and then you'll stay out of my forest for a week once we're off this ship?" He asked, just to confirm. Hat Kid nodded again at this. He took a second to think it over, before passing it back to say "Make it two, and you've got a deal."

The kid obliged, clearly happy to have come up with a simple solution to the issue at hand. Conductor looked a bit baffled to see how easy it'd been to change the ghost's mind, but wasn't enough of a fool to comment on it just in case it resulted in them changing it. 

"Alright kiddo!" Snatcher said as he stamped the final revision of the contract. "Now that we've got ourselves a deal, you may want to prepare yourself for 2 weeks without your 'BFF'. I suggest you spend them working on your pensmenship; This one's one of the worst I've had the displeasure of ever looking upon!" He said with a cackle, and lifted himself up out of the chair. As he floated off towards the daycare room of the ship, he decided that perhaps one final jab would be fitting. Dramatic, if one would allow him to say. And fun! Ghosts just wanmahave fun.

They turned back a bit to glance at the Conductor specifically.

"Now, you two better find that baby soon, because I'm not exactly known for being a good parental figure." He said with a grin, vanishing quickly before the bird could even fully open his mouth to let out the squawk of indignation that came out of it. 

Snatcher heard it just fine though; they hadn't teleported away too far, after all. Hell, if the two really tried (and wanted to waste precious time like that), they could have just walked over a bit to see the massive ghost looking down upon the small owlets within the safety of their pen. 

"Alright, you little chicken nuggets, this'll be easy for the both of us." they cooed disingenuously. "Just don't go causing any trouble, and I'll be sure not to turn you all into a happy meal."

Only "Peep!" 's were the response they received. They let out a disappointed sigh. It seemed like the owlets were too young to understand when to be properly afraid of such well thought out, original threats.

Snatcher made their way to the top of a slide just off on the side of the room to sit upon as a sort of chair, placed a hand on their chin and waited. Now, here was where the boredom began. The kids weren't exactly the most riveting things on the ship. All they could do was make some noises and waddle about. 

Snatcher took this time to take in everything in the room. Just above them, there seemed to be one of the Conductor's owls in deep conversation with one of their subconites. By the sounds of it, the owl had vented to their minion about some of the issues he had with his boss, so the subconite taken it upon themself to tell the worker about their rights. Ah, Snatcher couldn't wait to see how Conductor would react to having his workers start asking for their rights… Of course, that was only if they'd be able to get over their seemingly nervous natures. Maybe if he pulled a few strings, he could get something done…

Oh, who was he kidding. That took too much effort, obviously. He wasn't about to put in that much time into messing with the director. His minions could be the ones to carry out any sort of revolutions they wanted; The most he'd do was arm them with the knowledge of the law they'd need to act out. They found themself genuinely smiling at that thought; Them reading those law books to the subconites as a bedtime story of sorts seemed to really be paying off, huh?

Wait. Bedtime stories. Snatcher snapped their attention back to the pen. Now, if the kids in there were awake, they obviously would still be an active issue. But, if they were asleep, then maybe Snatcher'd be just a bit more free of their task here…

Oh, he was such a genius. He drifted himself back over to the enclosure so that he was right by it. Summoning up a book, the most recent publication of the Law 101 he'd managed to get his claws upon (he wasn't about to read to kids on how to kill them- they didn't need to be getting any ideas, or else he was sure the Conductor would have complaints with Snatcher in the future about it), he leaned over so that he was well above the grandkids below him.

"Now, who wants to hear a bedtime story?" He purred, grinning widely. The excited "peep!"s the yellow birds gave him was all the answer he needed.

\------------

It's not everyone's first thought to start reading a basic introduction to law to small children. It is most definitely not something that people would generally consider reading to kids as something to get them to sleep. But maybe that's why no one else had discovered how well it worked. Snatcher himself had a tendency to get hooked to what he was reading, to the point where he'd forget to take in the changes in the area around him. By the time he'd made it through the first chapter, where he took a break to see how the owlets were keeping up so far, nearly half the intended audience had fallen asleep. 

Emphasis on the 'intended audience'. While Snatcher made no effort to let those listening in know they'd caught on, word had spread quickly among the subconites that Snatcher was reading out loud for people, just as they did at home. Eagerly, the minions had slowly but steadily been making their ways to the area above to listen in and perhaps even catch some winks of sleep themselves. The particularly bold ones had actually hopped on down into the kid area to sit on the floor around Snatcher, or upon the slides within the room. 

It would be lying to also say that the express owl that had been talking to the subconite from before wasn’t paying some attention too, mostly at the parts where the demon talked about anything in particular that would help them in any sort of legal cases against their current boss. Snatcher made note to be a bit louder while reading those sections just so that the bird could hear them better. 

Over time, the group had managed to even extend itself to some of the seal crew, probably some who had been sent in to check around, clean up, and deliver food and beverages to those who asked for them. At least, that was what was to be their excuse for coming in to get to hear anything that was being advertised as a bedtime story. The words being used were too big and complicated for their adorable tiny seal brains to comprehend, but it was still enough to make them a bit dozy, and...

\----

“Now, are we gonna talk about how ye two managed to both get into the electrical room?” Conductor asked the two kids he was accompanying to the kids room. Hat Kid just gave him a shrug, while the little baby bird he was carrying gave a useless peep. 

“Fine then, keep yer secrets,” he said with a sigh. “I ‘supose us oldies can’t be knowin all the youth-” He was cut short as he entered the room. 

It took him a few seconds to process what he was seeing. On the floor, subconites and seals lay sprawling about, all fast asleep. More importantly, his grandkids who would always put up the biggest fusses over being told to sleep, were also napping well in their pen. By whatever luck, the last of the grandkids had been quite exhausted from their journey of running about, so as the Conductor placed them in their child cage, they promptly fell asleep alongside their siblings. 

And now, the most ridiculous part of this whole scene: The ghost, whose tail was curled up like a spring to support themself to sit in an upright manner, as they read a book quietly. The most Conductor could do about it was look at them with his mouth agape. 

“If you say anything about this, I’ll wake everyone here up, and blame it on you.” They threatened in a whisper. “And, I’ll have you know, my subconites are always ready to throw down with anyone who dares be the cause of an interrupted sleep.”

The Conductor just nodded to this silently, clearly still in shock. 

Hat Kid on the other hand seemed to be handling this quite well. Well enough in fact that she realized how tired she was. Running about the ship all day had taken its toll on her. Actually, when she really looked at it, the floor seemed quite comfortable… Surely nobody would mind if she just… curled up with all the others there and…

“Ah, there goes the lassie,” the Conductor mumbled as he watched the girl go down for the count. 

“Well, kids tend to do that,” The Snatcher responded uncaringly. They’d put away their book, wherever that meant it went, and had started to make their way out of the room by uncurling themself and floating above the sleeping people below. The Conductor followed their example and trailed behind them, carefully stepping over everyone, making special care to not disturb the subconites. After all, he didn’t know how honest Snatcher had been about what he said about them hating being woken up, but he’d dealt with enough kids to know not to risk it. 

Upon exiting, the Conductor took this as an opportunity to resume talking in his regular speaking voice.

“Y’know, I suppose I should thank ye fer helpin’,” He began.

“Well, here’s how you can properly thank me,” Snatcher interrupted, eyes laid upon the bar. “Now, you wouldn’t mind buying me a couple of drinks, right? You’re a famous movie director, after all! I’m sure you’ve got plenty of cash to spare!” He purred.

The Conductor chortled at this. “Ye sure are full of surprises, huh? DIdn’t take ye fer the type who’d do that sorta thing!”

“I don’t, usually. But hey, it’s a vacation! I’m allowed to have a _bit_ of a break, y’know?” They replied with a grin. “But seriously. You will pay, right?”

The bird laughed again at this. “Ye got it, laddie! Consider this my end of… reward of the deal or whatever, right?” 

“It was a contract,” Snatcher stubbornly corrected. As they headed over to the bar with the bird, they could only hope they could handle alcohol a bit better than they could alive… Oh well! Too late to go back on it now. And it wasn’t like it’d matter too much anyways; It would be a problem for future them. For now, they’d simply take this time to enjoy themself. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ghosts just wanmahave fun


End file.
